I remember for months wondering what on earth was wrong.
Was I over reacting? Was I being too much of a new mommy? Why were all the other two year olds in the family, talking, laughing, visiting, developing, and not us? Where was the spark in his eye? Why did he not like going anywhere? When was he going to talk to me? Where did his spirit go? Why was he so difficult?
Many times I talked about these fears with family and friends and many times I got the same response. "He will"-"Some kids just take longer" - "You can't compare kids to one another"
These responses would calm me and a few weeks could go by before I started to worry again. Eventually though, someone had to be brave. That someone had to tell me - "yes, you are right, things are not right, he is not engaging, you need to have him evaluated, I am worried about him, I am worried about you and Jay".
I imagine it was the hardest thing she ever had to tell me.
I asked more questions - "What do you think is happening?" - "Why?"
She said - "I am sure he is not, but some of what he displays is characteristic of autism."
I can honestly tell you that somewhere in me knew. It was so hard to hear that someone else saw his differences but at the same time, I knew that eventually someone would.
I remember that conversation clear as day. I remember that night, both Jay and I crying, being so scared and feeling so powerless.
The very next day we started our journey. Doctor appointment after doctor appointment lead the way to where we are now.
The word Autism scared me to death. It is only until recently that I can honestly speak of it without feeling sick.
She did not want to have to tell me. She did it because she loves me and loves my family. She did it because she is my sister and that is just what you do.
I am scared to think of what our life would be like had she not had to be so honest. In so many ways, I will forever be grateful for her loving us enough to have the hardest talk.
Thank you Amiee for your love, support and constant ear. We love you very much!