We have a bit of a problem in our house right now. It has been going on for the past two or so months. I have mentioned that Carson does not sleep well. I have mentioned that he gets melatonin to sleep and at first it was a Godsend. Well, he has built up a bit of a tolerance to it now and there are really no other options for us to try. He is simply too young and we are not comfortable with any pharma drugs to get him to sleep.
I thought I would give you a glimpse of what our nights are like. Well, really my nights are like. Jay sleeps with a CPAP so, most of the nightly musical beds is my job.
To say that I am tired is an understatement. I have not been this tired since I had a newborn baby. I am tired, and crabby and, have no energy.
Last night -
730pm - give Griffin a bottle and rock him to get him to go to sleep. He is miserable because he has decided he does not need an afternoon nap anymore. I can't disagree more but this is his call and now he is a basket case from 630pm and on. He is asleep and in his crib by 745.
745pm - go snuggle with Carson in our bed. We are both asleep by 800pm. Good gosh, I am sleeping by 8pm.
845pm - wake up and realize that I still need to wash-up, do dishes, empty garbage and get things done for the next day. Jay is sleeping on the couch without a care in the world. Wake Jay up. Fight with him (literally) over who is going to carry Carson up to his room. I am busy doing things so, I win. Jay carry's Carson, up to bed and we both fall back to sleep in our bed by 915pm.
1230am - Wake up to Griffin screaming in his crib. Give it a few minutes to see if he goes back to sleep. Jay tells me to get up. (he is awake but cannot do it himself) Griffin getting up is not typical. He only gets up after I have been home from work for a few days freaking out that I am some how gone again. He is going through separation anxiety and it is killing me. Go to his crib and try to comfort him. Does not work. Bring him into my bed. Jay is back to sleep like a angle but has now removed his CPAP and his snoring could wake the dead. Griffin falls back to sleep. I kick Jay three times and tell him to put his machine back on. He gets mad at me and goes to sleep on the couch. Heaven forbid I wake him up.
145am- hear Carson up talking to Jay on the couch. Fin is sleeping so, I try to move him back to his crib. Carson is now crying hysterically and is saying things like "Mommy all gone" "Where's Mommy?". He sees me carrying a sleeping Fin and I try to get him to quite down. Jay is up now and bringing him down the hall to join us in the bed. I take Fin to his crib and he (of course) is now awake and starts to scream when I put him down. I go back to my bed where Carson is still crying and he grabs on to me and asks for "Hugs Mama". Cuddle with Carson while listening to Fin scream. Carson is sleepy enough. I leave him with Jay (who is sleeping) and go back to get Fin. This time, I take Fin into Carson's room and snuggle with him. He is not having it.
230am- go make Fin a bottle in hopes that the goes back to sleep. All the while he has a death grip on my PJ top as if his life depends on it. Make bottle, go back to Carson's room and feed Fin. Get Fin back to sleep. Don't bother moving him since the risk of him waking up is too great.
300am- Finally fall back to sleep myself with Fin in Carson's bed.
600am - Carson comes up to visit and wakes us all up. Jay is getting ready to leave for work and my shift begins again. We are all up but Fin and I are very crabby and Carson is hungry and wants pancakes.
When I look back on the night, thank goodness I did fall asleep when I did. Had I tried to stay up and (heaven for bid) watched TV or did a blog entry, I would have gotten about 3 or so hours of sleep vs the 5 or so I did get. Granted it is all broken up and not the most restful but still I got 5 or so hours.
Last night was a good night as Carson fell back to sleep. Typically once he is up, he is up. We have been up for the day at 1am, 3am, you name it. I have been out on the couch with him at those times hanging out. It is crazy! He has a hard enough time falling asleep once, let alone to do it more than once in one night.
The other problem is the separation anxiety. Carson never went thought it. That is until now. As he is becoming more aware of his feelings - he has now started a pretty severe phase of separation anxiety along with Fin. I love to be with my boys, I love to hold them and cuddle with them and make them feel secure. I just want a bit of sleep.
Adding to the problem is the fact that Jay and I have the most comfortable bed on the plant. When we got married, we invested in a really good King size bed. I have a very good mattress pad, 500 thread count sheets, a down comforter and a very luxurious duvet. Jay and I love our sleep and it is just not an area where we choose to skimp. I think Carson is on to this as he is obsessed with our bed. He wants to play in our bed, hang out in our bed, snuggle in our bed and yes, now sleep in our bed. He has to have the duvet on him and pulls it up to his chin. It is adorable and I don't blame him but come on - his bed is great too.
All these things combined - I am feeling a bit crazy. Jay can't understand why I don't spend any time with him in the evening and frankly I miss relaxing for a bit once the kids go to sleep.
It is bad enough as is but add on the work day, commitments, appointments, etc and I basically feel like my life is nuts. I know that Jay feels it too.
So, if you are ever up in the middle of the night and need a friend to chat with, give me a call. Chances are I am up and making pancakes!