Carson's 5th bday is this coming Sunday. He is my first love, my first joy, my first everything. I love both my boys to the ends of the earth but there is something very different regarding the "first". He had to let me fail, question, muddle my way though motherhood. He made us a family. He made me know true worry, true fear and beyond all else true joy for the first time.
Happy Birthday to my "first" greatest love of my life! You make me so proud. I have learned more from you in these past five years than you will ever learn from me. Being your mom is the greatest honor I have ever had.
My dearest birthday boy,
I know this next year is going to a big one. You will go to kindergarten and officially become a big boy. There are parts of your dad and I that want to hold you back and keep you our baby forever. We know we can't do that but already miss so much about your babyhood. You have changed more this year than any other. You have worked so hard to understand our world and to be a part of it. Everyday I see you trying to be more and more grown up. In your five years, you have already gone to a formal school for three of them. You work hard two to three times a week with your OT, PT and Speech. I am more proud of you than you can ever imagine. You have taught your dad and I not to take anything for granted. Each milestone you have met and all your moments of progress have been celebrated with much excitement.
You are truly a joyful spirit. You are strong willed and tenacious and although at times those traits can be a challenge, I know they are the same traits that have allowed you to progress as much as you have. You are funny and caring and love your family so very much. Nothing makes your dad and I happier than seeing you happy and laughing.
You have given your dad's and my life more purpose than we ever could have imagined. You have made us grow up and take long hard looks at ourselves. We are better people because of you. What an amazing thing to have accomplished in just five years! This was not supposed to be your job but on our journey together, it has just come to be. You have shown your dad and I a love that is unconditional and fiercly protective.
You amaze so many with your mind. You are so smart. Although, you might not always have the language or social skills, you let us know what you want and need....your mind...blows us all away.
We just had conferences this week at school. You are proficient in math and reading skills. Academically, you are more prepared than most kids in kindergarten. Your coordination has improved and I was told the teacher asks you to demonstrate how to gallop for the other kids. (you could not gallop at the beginning of the year!) You have gotten more green faces at school this past month than you have in the past three years together. You are growing up and learning how to control your impulses and be a big boy. More than anything academically, I want you to be happy, believe in yourself and be whatever you were meant to be. I will always have your back.
Your imagination has also taken off this past year. Rarely, are we ever mommy, daddy, Griffin or Carson. You always have some great dramatic scene for us to play out. (Wonder where you got that?) You love being scared more than I ever did and will ask your Dad to jump out at you over and over again.
I know that this next year is going to be a great one. I know you are going to continue to blow us all away with your beautiful mind, spirit and love. Parts of me can't wait and others are breaking because these precious five years have already passed.
I can never thank you enough for the love and joy you have brought into my life. I will never know what I did to deserve you. God smiled on me the day I gave birth to you! I have a feeling you already know this - but there is nothing you could ever do, to make me stop loving and believing in you.
I will love you forever! - Mommy