Because of you

Because of you, I feel love deeper than I ever dreamed of...
Because of you, I have the three most amazing and beautiful children a man could ever want...
Because of you, I have the strength to overcome any obstacle life throws at us...
Because of you, I have learned to always find good in people...
Because of you, I can share my deepest feelings and biggest fears...
Because of you, I believe in soulmates...
Because of you, I laugh louder and smile bigger...
Because of you, I try harder to be a better person...

Without you, I wouldn't be whole and with you I feel like I hit the jackpot everyday. You truly complete me and inspire me in so many ways.

I know I take you for granted sometimes and I know that I can be very hard to live with but I never, ever want you to forget how much you are loved and appreciated.

You have made all of my dreams come true.

On your birthday and everyday, I love you more than you'll ever know.

Thank you for loving me.

Happy Birthday to you...my wife and my best friend!

Love,

Jay

A Soccer Story

Today Carson had soccer at OU. He does pretty well. Imagine a loud gymnasium full of kids on the spectrum and most of their parents and about four coaches trying to play soccer. It's quite chaotic. Griffin came today and he and Miss Liz played basketball on the other end of the gym for a bit. Toward the end, there is always a game. Many of the kids do not get the concept that the other team is supposed to try to take the ball away...needless to say, there are a lot of frustrated children trying to keep the ball.

Today Carson and one of his teammates collided and Carson got hit in the nose by the other kid's head. He was very upset and needed a break. Griffin was quick to offer to jump into his spot. Of course I didn't let him but he was very sure he could go out and "teach" them how to play. It was almost over so since Carson was a hot mess, we decided to just leave. As we were leaving, Griffin said "One day I'm going to punch that kid in the nose so he can cry and not bug Carson anymore." It made me laugh so hard. The whole way to the car, Griffin was consoling Carson saying things like "But Carson, he didn't know he was on your team. It was an accident." It was so cute and funny. I love listening to them converse.

Happy Birthday Mia!

Happy Birthday to my little princess!

Mia is pure joy....yes, let's not all forget that she had a rough start (about 8 months worth) but she is pure joy as of now. She is getting her own little unique personality. She loves her mommy and gets very sad if she cannot get her mommy's complete attention...even big tears sometimes. She gives the BEST kisses I've ever received. Sometimes, she looks around at her brothers like....wth? Is this really my family?

She loves people (just like her mommy.) She is her mommy's twin and I think she is going to grow up to be just as beautiful as her mommy.

Some people have asked if it's different being a daddy to a little girl. I didn't really notice a difference at first but I'm starting to see there is a little difference now. I'm sure it will continue to be more different. It's not different better...because I love my boys and I love being a dad to two amazing little boys but it is different and special to have a beautiful little daughter.

I am so happy to have the opportunity to have boys and a girl.

Mia is the perfect addition to our family. I can't wait to see how her little personality grows.

We are very blessed. God bless you baby girl. I hope you always know how much you are loved and cherished.

Happy Birthday!

Carson ROCKS!

Just a quick Carson update....

Carson was the "special person" of the day in his first grade class yesterday. His resource room teacher e-mailed us and let us know that he did AWESOME! She said he went up to the front of the class and told them all his name and some things about him. He said "My name is Carson. I like computers. I like I'm hungry (they corrected him to say I like to eat.) I like gym class. I do tricks. I like superheroes." His teacher said it was so great that she welled up. I am so proud of him! I wish I could have seen it. I can't believe how much progress he is making....of course, I want more....in time...I know:)

I also cannot say enough how AMAZING his team at school is. We get constant communication from his resource room teacher. She and his speech therapist just made him a big board of superheroes. Each superhero has bubbles coming out of his mouth with one of the class rules. On the other side of the board are villians with a picture of Carson saying "Oh no...don't let the villians get me." I know this sounds funny but I think he will respond well to it. He's very visual and very imaginative.

All in all, he is doing better in first grade than we ever expected. He truly amazes Emily and me all the time. What a blessing he is!

I'm so thankful that he is responding to his treatment plan. I hope it continues and one day this will all be behind us and we will look back and say "Remember when we were recovering Carson from Autism...."

That is my dream and my biggest wish:)

Thanks for reading!

Off and Running....

Wow! I can't believe how fast summer flew by. I guess that's what happens when you have HBOT four times a week, Speech and OT twice, Art and Music Therapy and Equian Therapy all going on. It wasn't a very fun summer. It was so HOT. I love heat but I could not stand all of the humidity. I feel like we barely swam all summer and if we weren't swimming, I couldn't even stand to be outside. We made it a few times over to Aunt Carol's and Uncle Roger's for a swim but it was minimal. Kristie and Brian also got a pool this summer but I think we only made it there three times the whole summer too.

Oh well, there's always next year. I have to say that I am completely loving this September weather so far (so is our electric bill.) I don't think we shut the air off once in July or August...YIKES!

I decided now was a good time for a blog update....it has been a crappy week....I am OVER so many things this week....first and foremost Autism. I soooo want it to go away. I am over Griffin's new attitude...he has been so challenging this week. I am over working...I'm feeling like I really need a change and I definitely need to make more money....I'm sick of struggling financially and feel like I worked way too hard to get all of my degrees and now am going backwards. I'm sick of never having any quality time with my kids...I feel like we have constant plans and constantly have people at our house or have my wife wanting to go somewhere or visit with someone. I thought things might get a little better since Em is back in the workforce and is getting some adult interaction but not so much just yet. We just differ in the fact that I deal with people all day in my job...and sometimes by the end of the day I just need a break because I need a little "down" time. I feel like I am "on" all day. Most of all, I am over Wells Fargo. After working for 22 months on a mortgage modification, I got one.....let's just say it was a TOTAL waste of time and 22 months of stress for nothing. Our mortgage went down less than $80 and is actually up about $350 from when we started the process due to an escrow shortage. I love how the banks get bailed out and we can't get jack for help.....never missed a payment, etc. and you call that a modification. WOW!

Well enough crabbing....I want to end on a positive note (that was the point of my blog today.) To get me in a better mood that is........

I have to focus on the positive. I'm married to my best friend. I have three beautiful, healthy (somewhat) children. We have amazing families and friends. We have health insurance, even though it barely covers anything for Carson...it helps for the rest of us:)

Mia started full blown walking this week. She is pure joy...happy, beautiful...if you would have asked me a few months ago, I would have never said she was our easiest child but right now, she definitely is. I love her giggle, her dimples, her little Pebble Flintstone ponytail...everything about her.

Although Griffin is having "terrible threes" right now, he has moments where he is sweet as can be. I love his lips, his language, his lisp. He's so beautiful. When he comes by me, which is rare, I love his snuggling. He's loving his skating class for hockey and his soccer team (just not today.) I really think he is going to be an athlete. He's obsessed with the Wii right now. We have to limit his time on it because he will play until he actually starts crying because his arms hurt. He started preschool this week...so far, so good. We'll see....

My Carson is doing really well. At times, I get so depressed still but I have to stop and look at his progress. He is blowing us away in first grade so far. A couple rough days but this is a HUGE adjustment for him. Full days! He's a little overscheduled. He was supposed to start drama this week but we decided to hold off until winter. He started soccer on Saturdays and just started ice skating lessons last Friday. He also will continue to have Speech and OT two nights a week. That is enough for now. Horseback riding will be coming back in October as well. He is so affectionate. He loves to snuggle and his language is really taking off. We are working on his digestive system right now. I feel that is where most of his problems lie (besides the mercury and other metal poisoning from the nasty vaccines) so we're trying to clear those up. It takes a while but we're making progress.

Emily is doing well. She's loving her job. We're all loving the little extra money. She's on her way to building some new accounts and in no time, I'm sure she be doing even better. She has great relationship building skills and that is a huge part in sales. I know she will rock. She always does. She is my rock and I can't imagine not having her. Does she get on my nerves sometimes? Absolutely...but who doesn't? haha Believe me, I get on hers too....Overall, I married my soul mate and to have that is a true gift from God.

Overall...just trying to adjust to this new school schedule and get in a new routine. I am looking forward to September and October. I love the weather...apple orchards, trees changing and my little princess turning one in a few weeks. I can't wait for her party...weather pending, it's going to be a blast.

Thanks for reading!

August - Really?

Wow. I can't believe it is August already. In just four weeks Carson will start 1st grade and Fin will start preschool. June and July seem like a blur.

We have been having fun. Our fun is planned around all the summer activities and therapies but that is okay. I am used to it. We are all used to it.

Mia is almost 10 months and I can't believe it. I keep remembering what it was like last summer. I was pretty miserable with non-stop morning sickness and a crazy schedule. It is much easier this year, not being heavily pregnant.

That said, I am so sad that these first 10 months are already over. She is such a happy and easy baby. The first six months totally kicked my butt (with the colic) but now, she has become her own happy person and she fills my days with joy! It is always amazing to me that God chooses the perfect fit with each child. I feel like all three of my kids are perfectly chosen for our family.

Mia waves hello and good-bye. She says MaMa and more. She is funny and expressive too. She will be walking soon as she is into everything and pulls herself up whenever possible. Several times, she has stood on her own. Our life is about to get even busier!

Something happened to Griffin when he turned three. The easiest baby/toddler on the planet has turned into a bit of a monster. I have heard from many moms that three can be much harder than two and for us, that is very true.

I find that I am still very much a parent in training. Yes, Carson is six but again, I have never parented a neurotypical child so much of what Fin is doing, Carson never did and if he did it was combined with a thousand other things.

At three, Carson had little to no language at all so, I never had to deal with the sassy talk or constant negotiating. Believe me, I am grateful for it all. It is such a miracle (neurotypical development). By far, the years of three and four were the MOST challenging with Carson.

Fin has become very assertive, sassy and obstinate. All of these things can be difficult to deal with but when the temper tantrums are over, we can at least discuss what the problem is. It might sounds strange but to me that is a tremendous blessing.

Fin is beyond his age in language development and has the social skills of a much older child. I think this is what frustrates him. In his mind he is 7 or 8 and doesn't understand that he is only three years and three months.

Top it off with the fact that he is so stinking cute and well........ we have got some trouble on our hands;)

I know he is going to love preschool and needs the classroom stimulation and social interaction with other kids. He absolutely loves going to hockey class and if he does as well in preschool as he has these past five weeks, he will be very successful.

Fin is also really looking forward to continuing with his hockey lessons and is already signed up for Soccer as well. We will probably add some gymnastics in the winter since he has been asking all summer when he can go back.

In the mean time, I eat him up and enjoy what little bit is left of his babyhood. He still is very much my baby and I enjoy every second of it.

On another note, Carson went to Vacation Bible school for the first time last week. It could not have gone better. He LOVED it. Jay and I are so protective and it can be really hard for us to try new things and let him grow up but we bucked up on this one and let him go. It was an affirmation for me to let him go. Let him grow up. It was an awakening in me that he can do it.

There was nothing sweeter than hearing Carson announce to everyone that he had Bible school that day and aside from the very loud cheering and singing in the ending group session, he could not have done better.

While at VBS, Carson lead his group in the halls. He answered questions about what God created and got to put a special sticker on the wall. He participated in the games and activities and loved the songs in the small group sessions.

This success has helped Jay and I plan for his fall activities. Of course he will have his therapies twice a week but he will also continue to have his horseback riding. In addition he will be taking drama classes and starting a sport through OU Cares. We are not sure if he will be in soccer or T-Ball yet but it will be one of the other.

One neat thing. The drama classes he will be going to are the same ones I started with when I was a kid. As Lou Fazzini (program director) said, he is the second generation of the original group. To me that is very cool. I love Lou and have known him since I was a little girl. To know that Carson is going to get to experience all that I did, makes me very happy.

Again, I have to let go and let him try. I can't hover over him all of his life. I just keep thinking, baby steps, baby steps. They are for me, not him. He is ready and willing to go. And my heart breaks a bit while at the same time it swells with great pride of the awesome, amazing kid he is. Four years ago, I never would have dreamed all of this would be possible.

So, our schedule gets busier but it is all good things. I realize this post has been all over the place. That is what happens when I try to write something in about ten minutes that should be done in three or four different posts. Oh well.

Love you all ! Em

More Breakthroughs

Well...the day has FINALLY come....Carson is potty-trained!!!

For those of you who may not know much about Autism, you may be thinking well he is six years old and should be potty-trained. With Autism comes Sensory Integration Dysfunction. This means that Carson's sensory system does not work the same as yours or mine. This is why it is hard for him to be in small areas with large amounts of people....everything is much louder to him. This is also why he is much rougher than the average child because he needs that strong input to feel the way we feel a normal touch...he loves big strong hugs. These are just a couple of examples. The reason it took so long for Carson to learn how to use the toilet is because he couldn't feel the sensation of having to go the same way you or I do. By the time, he feels it, it's too late. But not ANYMORE! Our biggest hope this summer was to get him potty-trained and it happened! Now...for another goal! We are so proud of him. I have to attribute it to the Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy along with the million supplements he is on for his digestive system. I'm so thankful that God has led us to this biomedical path and specifically to Dr. McKenzie.

So many changes are happening...I just sit back and listen to the conversations between he and Griffin and am amazed at how far his language has come. They play so well together (of course, they fight like crazy too but I think that is normal.) I think having Griffin around everyday all day really helps him with the socialization piece. It's not as easy with other children because they are not our own so we really have to watch certain actions/reactions because we know what might set him off.

He is such a trooper. His summer schedule is a little crazy but he just rolls with it.

Monday - HBOT, Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Horseback Riding Therapy
Tuesday - HBOT
Wednesday - HBOT, Art Therapy, Music Therapy
Thursday - HBOT, Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy
Friday - A DAY OFF!!!

Along with having to take a vitamin or some time of supplement about every 20 minutes, he attends all of the therapies above. Thankfully, he's just become accustomed to this schedule for now and doesn't give too many complaints.

It's a bummer because it seems as though the summer has come and is almost gone and there hasn't been much time for fun...but there will be a lot of years of fun to come. The bottom line is that our little man is getting better and better and there is no feeling in the world that compares to the joy that we feel when we see these improvements.

I have to give credit where credit is due. The team of people involved in his recovery never cease to amaze me...Ms. Liz, his therapists at TLC, Dr. McKenzie, Ms. O and Ms. A during the school year, Stacy at LifeHorse, Ms. Tessa, Ms. Rebecca and Ms. Yuri at FAR, his grandparents, his siblings, his aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts and uncles, his friends and neighbors, and most of all his mother, who works her a$$ off to make all these appointments, therapies, etc. happen. I am so grateful for for each and every one of you and I am so grateful that Carson is getting better.

There's even more to come...thanks for reading....